Things I want to remember

Warm and humorous moments I must record:
~Carson sitting quietly on my lap, twists around  to show me his "leatherman" on his belt. I comment, "Wow, you got your life all put together." He nods silently, pleased as punch, then settles back into my lap, staring into the distance, his expression pleased and restful. Oh I want this moment to last forever, for him and me. :')
~Cheyanne managing her career and along with motherhood, asks me to watch her baby while he sleeps. Then she's out on the dance floor, (the living room) her blocks-in-her-socks heels and butterfly costume wings adding to her performance and in her mind her moves are the definition of grace and elegance. Then it's back to her baby and stringing up a mobile by its bed to entertain him and blankets on the floor for her to watch over him while he sleeps.
~Heidi's little  phone, (an expired remote with a screen of sorts) she carries everywhere. Her realistic moves on her "device" had her Dad and I turning to hide our eruption of laughter this morning, just watching her. She'll gladly page to a picture of Bradi (cause it's actually Bradi's phone that he left here) and zoom in just so, then flip her device around for you to see. The other day at Walmart she had an old cordless (land line) phone that kids had snuck along into the store without my immediate noticing.  She was holding it crossways so they could "watch a movie." Wow, she sat really still there in the cart, for a little.
~Her devotion to her babies. She has 2 dolls, a black one and a white 1. They go everywhere and do everything with her. They even get a bite of Cheerios when she has a Cheerios snack. The deserve a space at the computer when all the kids are crowding in to see. She'll hold her baby's head high above the rest so "she" can see too. So this morning, Hubby was playing some of our favorite tunes from Celtic Thunder and I was in the kitchen moving to the tunes.  Imagine my surprise and almost embarrassment (heehee) when I realized Heidi was standing not far away, holding her baby's head up toward me. (I thought I was all alone and was dancing like it too.) The mood was festive and she didn't want her baby to miss the show!! I'm still laughing at  that one. Her babies are very real. 

These moments, this life. 

The other side of it is picking lasagne pieces off the window behind the dining table, moving the step stool out of my way in the kitchen for the 26th time in one day, the puddle of spilled orange juice I stepped into with my warm fuzzy socks, the toilet paper saved beside the toilet cause he hit the mark with that swipe (after several fruitless attempts) and he's proud of it! Why flush down a good job?? Flush the blanks, not the achievement. 

This morning one of the tunes my man played was Belfast Polka/Pennsylvania Railroad (by Celtic Thunder) It's the tune he has set as our wake-up alarm every the morning. About 30 seconds into it, I was choked up and I had to bite my lip to keep from crying. So much for me in that piece. Life. Now. For the last year and a half, it has said  "Wake up-it's time to live some more life." Right now. Weather it's messy or vacation is starting. "Whatever is gonna happen in your life today is on it's way. You need to meet it." When I'm 60 that song will transport me immediately back to this era, these kids, this life. And I will shed some more tears. I'll see the good parts, the "needed-ness," (Ya I know that's not a word, but here's what I mean. Being needed, but without the negativity the phrase "the demands" infers) I will miss being so needed. I'll remember holding my son on my lap for as long as he chooses. I'll miss the lisped prayers and the boo-boos that disappear with a kiss. (Boo-boos won't always be that easy, Dear) But I think I'll still remember the stress, the questions of early family life, the trying to get life going. The uncertainties we are facing now as we're going into our middle years. Honest questions that need answering before we can enter into a truly meaningful existence. That painful feeling, along with all the good things, that's what will roll back over me when I hear the "Belfast Polka/Pennsylvania Railroad" when I'm 60. I hope it will be at a better place and better time. I'll shed tears for the pain, the beauty, and everything in between. I hope I will shed tears too (looking back) for the goodness I had yet to discover, with the hope I have to offer others.